Kurama Loses His Memory: Say Hello to the Little Brown Youko!
by Erikka Gallas and Gillian Passovoy
I thought he was going to die. Many long hours I sat watching him, tossing and turning in fevered sleep. He didn't spend much time awake, and when he did, his mother tried to get him to eat or drink. While his mother was there, I would stay in the tree outside his window, watching them, seeing her crying. When she finished and had to return to the kitchen or whatever she was doing, I came back in. I remained by his side so long as we were alone, sitting in the desk chair his mother had pulled up next to his bed. Only when I was so tired that I couldn't keep my eyes from closing did I ever stop watching him. It was hard not to think about what would happen if I lost him. My dreams were a constant reminder of what he meant to me. Sometimes, I would have nightmares about his death, and I would wake up to find a handful of tear gems in my lap.
Today was no different from the rest. This time I sat on the side of the bed that he didn't occupy, holding his hand with my smaller one. My other hand twisted strands of his silky hair between my fingers. I lifted the hand I held to my lips.
"Please, Kurama," I begged softly, "You can't leave me yet."
I felt on the verge of tears again, the torture of his sickness becoming heavy on my heart. I didn't think I could take many more of the restless nights, watching him toss and turn, his skin cool and pale, his forehead hot like the flames I adored. For the first time in many years, I prayed to every diety I could think of that he would live, for not even his mother thought he would. The human that tended to his health said that it was a bad fever and all Kurama could do was rest and be well taken care of. Between myself and his mother, we did all we could, although she never knew my presence. I prayed so hard that he would live, not just for me, but also for the fact that I knew he loved life as much as he loved me. To take that from him was too much.
I bowed my head to kiss his hand once more. I was startled to hear a slight groan immediately follow the action. I tilted my head to look at Kurama. He was opening his eyes, scanning the room as he struggled to sit up. I tugged on his hand, helping him into a sitting position. He seemed to take no heed of me as he continued to look around his room in an amazed stare. I heard him utter three words that planted the seed of worry in my mind.
"Where am I?"
I blinked, releasing his hand. "In your room," I said quietly.
His clear green eyes still darted to and fro, as if he hadn't heard me. "I don't remember being in this place. The hunters...I ran to the cave, but I...I think they hit me."
I swallowed hard, a feeling of dread slipping into me. I had my suspicions for his behaviour, but I hoped that I was dead wrong.
"Kurama," I started, trying to get his attention away from his surroundings.
He finally seemed to notice me, turning to look in my direction, studying me as though he had never seen me before. My stomach twisted uneasily.
"Who are you?" he asked.
I sucked in my breath, the uneasy feeling consuming me, that seed becoming a writhing plant in my stomach. I had expection confusion, surely, for he had been drifting in and out of unconsciousness for days. I had never anticipated this. I took in a long breath and stared straight into his eyes.
"Kurama, I'm Hiei."
Again, he regarded me with that curious stare, and it looked as though he was searching his mind for my memory.
"I don't know you."
The words slammed into my soul like someone had punched me in the gut. I couldn't have been right! How could he have forgotten me?! We loved each other. I felt tears threaten as my one true nightmare came alive before my eyes. There had to be something I could do. He might have just been having a memory lapse from being unconscious for so long. He would be fine in a couple of hours...I hoped.
Kurama's movements broke into my thoughts. He was pushing aside the covers to get out of bed. I put my hands on his shoulders, and I saw his eyes flash with indignance.
"Maybe you should stay in bed a little while longer," I told him as gently as I could manage. "You've been very sick, and it would be too soon to be roaming around."
"Nonsense! I feel no pain from my wound. I'm fine." He pushed my hands off his shoulders and swung his feet out. He got up and headed for the window. He pushed it open and looked out. His next words were thoughtful, spoken as though I didn't even exist. I was hurt and angry and quite tempted to knock some sense into him.
"I don't remember the Makai becoming so developed. I wonder how long I've been in that cave. Yet..." He turned to look around the room again. "Yet, someone must have picked me up and tended to my injuries. I'm surprised I wasn't turned in."
"You're not in the Makai, Kurama," I said, trying to remain in control. "You're in the Ningenkai."
"The Ningenkai?! Ugh! How did I end up here?! Did you drag me here?!"
"Not exactly," I muttered. "Maybe the fact that you're human might have something to do with you being in the Human Realm."
"Human?!" he snorted in a snobbish tone. "How dare you fit me to such a race, little youkai!"
My heart ached, my temper flared. I recognised that tone, having heard it before when we fought on Urameshi's Team. Kurama had become his former Youko self to finish a battle. This was before his gentle human side had managed to control it, and he had that same voice, that very indignant tone to his speech. He thought he was his former self now. I swallowed hard. Things were becoming very difficult much to fast. However, I didn't let my emotions show as I frowned at him.
"Well then, great kitsune, perhaps you should look in the mirror," I said bitterly, turning the statement into a challenge that I knew he wouldn't refuse.
He strode with his head high to the mirror. The corners of my mouth turned up in a microscopic smile as I saw his eyes widen with disbelief. His mouth opened to speak, but he couldn't seem to find the words to say.
"Do you believe me now, Kurama?"
Instead of resigning to his usual calm self, he turned on me with fire in his eyes.
"What have you done to me?! How did you manage to turn me into this...this weak creature with your youki?! Are you working for Koenma?! Yes! That's it! You're working for that pesky brat! You turned me in while I was injured and helpless!" He whirled away from me, his fists clenched, lifting his head. "Is this my punishment, you little bastard?! Just wait until I get my hands on you!"
I was thankful that his mother had left the house for the time being.
"Damn it, Kurama!" I screamed, unable to control my anger any longer. "Get a hold of yourself! No one did this to you! You chose this fate for yourself! You took this body to escape Koenma!"
Kurama relaxed a little, thinking over what I had said.
"Hmm, you're right. I did have thoughts about becoming human to escape...but how did I miss out on all the years it would have taken for this human to become this size and age? My kitsune form must have remained dormant until now."
I growled at the Youko's stubborn refusal to accept the truth I was trying so hard to tell. I was angry for his forgetfulness, but it was the thought that it wasn't his fault that kept me from becoming violent. I watched him close his eyes and concentrate. I wanted so hard for him to remember. He briefly glowed a light gold. In seconds, he had become the silver Youko. His eyes opened, and he started for the window.
"Kurama, would you just listen to me?!" I yelled. "You've forgotten everything! Please, just listen to me for a minute!"
"Why should I?" he smirked, pausing to address me. "I have been gone from my home land for at least sixteen years. I deserve to return there and you can't stop me."
"I don't deny that," I reasoned, trying to think of something that would keep him there, but my mind was a blank. I was unable to believe that any of this was real. I wanted to pretend that it was an insane nightmare. I was losing Kurama, and I didn't know what to do. "But you've been alive those sixteen years. You have to remember it!"
"What difference does it make? My human side is not important, and you..." He looked at me with an expression of extreme distaste. "You, certainly, are unimportant. So run along, little one. I have things to do."
I watched him, dumbfounded, as he leapt out of the window and down the tree. I was tempted to cry, to scream, to break something, but I knew it wouldn't have helped Kurama. A little voice inside me said that I should have let him go, left him to his own chosen fate. I couldn't. It wasn't the fate that the real Kurama would have chosen. I had to find a way to reawaken that tender, lost spirit...before it destroyed our love...before it destroyed him. I immediately leapt out the window to follow.
End Prologue
